Friday, December 14, 2012

The Alternative Christmas Carol - A guide

The Strolling Mum is not pleased. And when The Strolling Mum is not pleased about something, you'd better find the biggest concrete bunker to hide in, lock the door, batten down the hatches and stay low.

Singing "alternative" versions of Christmas Carols around your 4 and a half year old might seem amusing at the time, but 4 and a half is the age when children gleefully soak up all the things they're not supposed to regurgitate and repeat to other folk (teachers, elderly relatives prone to being shocked easily, vicars, the woman on the bus who thinks children should be unseen and not heard).

As a dad though, I feel it's my duty to make sure that alternative christmas carols live on just like their more traditional counterpart. So I give you a very short guide to a few of the classics.

To the tune of Jingle Bells:

"Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin laid an egg

The Batmobile lost its wheel and the Joker ran away, hey!"

To the tune of We Three Kings you get two versions for the price of one:

"We Three Kings of Leicester Square
Selling Fancy Underwear
They're fantastic, no elastic
Why don't you try a pair?
Oh, star of wonder, star of light
Charlie caught his pants alight
He went screaming through the ceiling
Wasn't a very pretty sight!"

or the slightly cleaner...

"We Three Kings of Orient Are
One in a Taxi, one in a Car
One on a scooter honking his hooter
Following Yonder Star"

I'm sure you all know more (and probably far ruder) but please, if you comment below keep it clean :)

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